08/09: Real World Roundup #1
As everyone is surely aware, Real World #15: Philadelphia premiered on Wednesday. And, it of course, promises to be fucking amazing. So, I bring you the first Patmagazine.com Real World Roundup!
Not one, but TWO gay men (one flamboyant, one a self described "dude") that don't appear to get along. The Southern Ignorant Guy is there. Minority Girl is accounted for. Slutty, big (fake) boobed Tampa Girl is representin’. Sassy Blonde (the Loner) walked through that door. And best of all, fucking BEST OF ALL, is the Midwestern guy. Maybe for the first time ever, Madison has a cast member in Road Rules and the Real World at the same time. Madison is culturally relevant! Well, at least in the "real" world (I kill me).
The coming attractions show a LOT of fights. And I mean a lot. The drunk-walk-away-while-yelling-at-another-cast-member was shown to be coming up. The larger-male-tells-the-littler-girl-to-“getthefuckoutofmyfacerightnow!” made an appearance. The everyone-hates-you intervention was also shown, but with a new twist. It happens while on the RW vacation!! What will they think of next?!
The hook-up department looks intriguing. The Slutty Girl wants on the Southern Ignorant Guy in a baaaad way. But he 1) has a girlfriend back home, and 2) only likes blondes. Never fear, never fear. She's on a mission to fuck him to teach him that blondes do indeed, "suck." Go Slut, go! She of course says all of this while in confessional, which is the best part, as her face never really moves or makes expressions. Either she has a gun to her head, or is indeed a blow-up puppet. I have no idea which is the truth, or which would be better if it was the truth. I do know that she has fake boobs (her admission), and that they “feel so real!” (exclaimed by male housemates when she let them feel her tits). I think I’m in love.
The Loner looks interesting in a very uninteresting sort of way. She may fill Frankie’s outcast shoes nicely. Crying on the phone while sobbing “I don’t want to live in a house where everyone hates me?” Check.
The actual events of the show? Everyone finds out that not-obviously-gay-guy is indeed, gay. They all go to a gay bar. Southern Ignorant Dude hugs both gay men and says in two short days his entire viewpoint on gays is now changed. Also, Slutty Girl morphs into Desperate Girl in her attempts to fuck Southern Ignorant Dude. Not much else happened. But their house has a tree in it! MTV, always raising the bar.
Also, not to be missed in coming shows: Midwestern guy explaining why he loves cheese (especially curds); Sassy Blonde (the Loner) in a fit of jealous rage punches through the Slutty Girls chest, rips out an implant, and then eats it, topping it all off with a “Who's got big tits now, beeyotch?!”; The Southern Ignorant Guy tragically loses an arm in a SeaDoo accident while on the Real World vacation in Fiji only to laugh it off as part of “learning what life is all about outside my small Southern town of Nashville”; and unexpectedly the gay guys do NOT hook-up nor do they ever again discuss being gay.
Rest in piece Marry Ellis-Bunim. We shall miss you. But you gave us the gift that keeps on giving. I love T.V., but I love Reality T.V. like that hot girl in highschool that never knew I existed but I loved anyways, kind of way.
Really the only question left to this viewer is: How the fuck long do we have to wait to see Morgan (see Patmagazine #8) on this show? She would easily make in into the Pantheon of Greatest-Reality-Television-Characters-of-All-Time. Fishbait, get on this!
Not one, but TWO gay men (one flamboyant, one a self described "dude") that don't appear to get along. The Southern Ignorant Guy is there. Minority Girl is accounted for. Slutty, big (fake) boobed Tampa Girl is representin’. Sassy Blonde (the Loner) walked through that door. And best of all, fucking BEST OF ALL, is the Midwestern guy. Maybe for the first time ever, Madison has a cast member in Road Rules and the Real World at the same time. Madison is culturally relevant! Well, at least in the "real" world (I kill me).
The coming attractions show a LOT of fights. And I mean a lot. The drunk-walk-away-while-yelling-at-another-cast-member was shown to be coming up. The larger-male-tells-the-littler-girl-to-“getthefuckoutofmyfacerightnow!” made an appearance. The everyone-hates-you intervention was also shown, but with a new twist. It happens while on the RW vacation!! What will they think of next?!
The hook-up department looks intriguing. The Slutty Girl wants on the Southern Ignorant Guy in a baaaad way. But he 1) has a girlfriend back home, and 2) only likes blondes. Never fear, never fear. She's on a mission to fuck him to teach him that blondes do indeed, "suck." Go Slut, go! She of course says all of this while in confessional, which is the best part, as her face never really moves or makes expressions. Either she has a gun to her head, or is indeed a blow-up puppet. I have no idea which is the truth, or which would be better if it was the truth. I do know that she has fake boobs (her admission), and that they “feel so real!” (exclaimed by male housemates when she let them feel her tits). I think I’m in love.
The Loner looks interesting in a very uninteresting sort of way. She may fill Frankie’s outcast shoes nicely. Crying on the phone while sobbing “I don’t want to live in a house where everyone hates me?” Check.
The actual events of the show? Everyone finds out that not-obviously-gay-guy is indeed, gay. They all go to a gay bar. Southern Ignorant Dude hugs both gay men and says in two short days his entire viewpoint on gays is now changed. Also, Slutty Girl morphs into Desperate Girl in her attempts to fuck Southern Ignorant Dude. Not much else happened. But their house has a tree in it! MTV, always raising the bar.
Also, not to be missed in coming shows: Midwestern guy explaining why he loves cheese (especially curds); Sassy Blonde (the Loner) in a fit of jealous rage punches through the Slutty Girls chest, rips out an implant, and then eats it, topping it all off with a “Who's got big tits now, beeyotch?!”; The Southern Ignorant Guy tragically loses an arm in a SeaDoo accident while on the Real World vacation in Fiji only to laugh it off as part of “learning what life is all about outside my small Southern town of Nashville”; and unexpectedly the gay guys do NOT hook-up nor do they ever again discuss being gay.
Rest in piece Marry Ellis-Bunim. We shall miss you. But you gave us the gift that keeps on giving. I love T.V., but I love Reality T.V. like that hot girl in highschool that never knew I existed but I loved anyways, kind of way.
Really the only question left to this viewer is: How the fuck long do we have to wait to see Morgan (see Patmagazine #8) on this show? She would easily make in into the Pantheon of Greatest-Reality-Television-Characters-of-All-Time. Fishbait, get on this!
Mike wrote:
maybe that i would spell it "bee-hatch"!