(everyone's looking for a little xmas spirit these days, wherever it can be found!)

my christmas 2004 wish list:

1. a new car!
2. a machine that controls the weather, stops time, and deep fries food.
3. booze
4. a conscience
5. a new foreign policy agenda towards china and for rumsfeld to be fired
6. an end to kirsten dunst's restraining order
7. no more whining from anybody about anything, but especially not about their crappy jobs, the crappy city they live in, or the crappy meal they made for themselves because they can't cook.
8. frozen pizza that doesn't suck.
9. a russian oilfield previously owned by yukos and bought through corrupt dealings with shady russian mafia figures.
10. the deaths of paris hilton, fred durst, and random iraqi civilians
11. a cassette tape with trashlee simpson's new hit single, "la la" on it, taped 45 times consecutively so i can listen to it on my walkman as if i still lived in the 1980's.
12. an iPod
13. the ability to talk with boring people, stupid people, and anyone under the age of 22.
14. a reality-based television show filmed at the offices of pat: the magazine for guys in which real people battle one another in feats of extreme boredom, such as bending paper clips for 20 hours straight and shooting rubber bands onto pat's desk.
15. for the new ron artest rap project to be a big hit on the charts.
16. for bin laden to team up with ron artest on a new rap project that will be a big hit on the charts.
17. no more puns, they just aren't very funny.
18. but more mixed metaphors because they bring happiness like gallagher smashing carrot top's head like a watermelon.
19. thick delicious bacon, every day of the year.
20. no, seriously. i want bob barker to come to my house, burst through the door, and announce that i just won, a new car!