Click here for Part 2

Pat Magazine: I watched your appearance on "Tyra," who recently announced that she is canceling her talk show. Personally, I am glad because I find her a little too self-righteous. It's supposed to be informative and empowering for young women, but is actually just more superficial tripe concerning hair, clothing, and make-up. You mentioned on the show that you enjoy running. Please reveal the steps in the Westboro Baptist Workout regimen you employ to keep your lovely figure?

Megan Phelps: WBC doesn’t have a workout regimen; each person just knows that we daily engage in activities that are physically demanding: picketing with several signs (often for hours), driving/flying across the country, working long days so that we’re able to take the time to do all that, etc. I deleted the last five words of your question, because the “workout regimen we employ” is for the purpose of physically preparing ourselves to do this job, so that we have the strength to do it right, and so we’re not carrying around a bunch of unnecessary baggage (literally) that makes us less effective. Everyone does whatever they prefer. I happen to prefer yoga, biking, weighted jump roping, lifting weights and volleyball (<3!). Others prefer elliptical machines (which I happen to despise). Plus, remember that my madre first perfected the art of holding four signs, which many of us do now and it is no mean physical feat: it requires practice and lots of strength in your arms, shoulders and fingers, and is an excellent workout. Go, Mom!

Pat Magazine: Countless religions and their denominations--including yours--translate the confusing and overly wordy bible in myriad ways, twisting or omitting the words in attempt to defend or prove their ideals, and everyone thinks their interpretation is definitely right. Meanwhile, the book itself was written by like forty random guys, then a group of people voted on which parts should stay in; a lot of it is stolen from prior religions and the rest is historically inaccurate fables about giant boats, Samson's mullet of power, and sandal-wearing hookers. The assumption that it is the verbatim dictated word of God is laughable at best, and to follow it as literal law is to waste one's life. Has it ever occurred to you that your Debbie Downer of a faith is completely wrong, and you could instead be out there eating ice cream and reading Stephen King all day, like me?

Megan Phelps: Are you kidding? I’m an ice cream lover from way back, and eat it incessantly! =D

The fact is that we couldn’t be further from Debbie Downer if we tried. We love these words, and are so thankful to our God for the ministry He’s given us. You’re Debbie Downer because you know you’re doing wrong, you hate God’s standards for putting the face to your rebellion, you hate us for reminding you that there are consequences for that rebellion, and you hate that the curses of God are pouring out on you for it.

The truth and accuracy of the Bible is manifest. Every day, you see the evidence of it, showing that the promises of God are good. As just one example, look at our little church. It’s the “most hated” in America, and by any analysis, there is no rational, logical reason this church hasn’t been completely destroyed by now; it’s certainly not still standing because of any restraint on the part of the people of this nation. Our church has had each branch of government try to take it down: Congress and the legislatures of 43 of 50 states passing laws against us; the corrupt American judiciary prosecuting us for activities covered by the First Amendment and entertaining a meritless lawsuit against us that resulted in an $11 million verdict against us; police across the country violating their oaths and misapplying the law to try to stop us from publishing these words of God, etc.. Our church has been bombed with an IED, set on fire, and is otherwise continually threatened and vandalized. The only reason we’re still here is because it’s the work of our God, who promised to keep His people and bless them. Likewise, God’s promise to curse those who rebel against Him is shown forth every day (hello! Have you been reading the GodSmacks that get posted on Twitter?!). If God would open your eyes, you’d see this as plain as day. You’ve got two options: either mourn for your sins, and pray to God for repentance and forgiveness, or continue on in your sin, daily rebelling against Him, and keep heading down the path to Hell, where they’re “tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night…” Rev. 14:10-11.

Epilogue: In the e-mail with Megan's answers to the interview questions, her mother, Shirley, sent me this message, which I think is pretty cool:

As for that blight before my eyes where you called the Bible overly wordy – YIKERS!! SHUT UP!! It is beautiful. You will read endless hours of trash and filth and then, the most amazing work of all, interesting, full of goodness, full of instruction, full of good sense, full of life and health – you gonna call that wordy!! WOE UNTO YOU PATRICK FISHBAIT. You have NO fear of God before your eyes, and for that, I am so very sorry!! But you have a DUTY to fear and obey your God and give the glory of EVERYTHING to him!!

The time is so very, very short, your destruction is IMMINENT!!